Nina Patrick, 20 years old
I went for a drink with a guy I had been chatting with online. He seemed pretty normal good job, intelligent, funny. His first question on sitting down with our drinks was whether I was up for anal. I bypassed and watched him drink his body weight in shots before he started crying about his ex-girlfriend and then threw up down my shoulder when I was trying to walk him home. This was around 18 months ago, and he still messages me from time to time with a "hey," or my favourite, "I miss you. Met a guy who seemed to be decent. We went to see a movie, and funny online dating horror stories kept talking about my feet — how "beautiful and sexy" he thought they were. I was like, "Thanks?
I should have just given up when I slammed into a tree on the little practice zip line. Halfway funny online dating horror stories, I had a small panic attack and they had to come and rappel me off the platform. All this time, my date just stared at me, dumbfounded. He showed up to pick me up and came in to meet my parents. I was really excited, but on my way there I realized I had gotten my museums mixed up. Instead of the quirky naturalism museum I thought I had chosen, I invited this guy to a national surgery museum. Nothing like trying to make small talk while looking through glass at formaldehyde jars with severed penises in them.
Dating apps: Can't live with them, can't live without them. But seriously, sometimes things go so wrong—like endless date with funny online dating horror stories cringe-worthy guy wrong—that you can't help but wonder why you're on the app in the first place. Well, SELF asked to hear your dating app horror stories, and you guys answered.
Funny online dating horror stories
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Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site including, for example, the order in which they appear. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and funny online dating horror stories not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers. It was a painful evening. He showed up late carrying a bouquet, wearing a tux, and sweating profusely. He smelled like nervous nerd and cats. He was still chatting happily even as I fast-walked to my car. Cringeworthy dating tales, like mine, are fun to talk about but hellish to live through.
A word of warning here? Most of these are really funny. And then, in a small section towards the end, some of them are absolutely not funny. She really loved manatees, and eventually she jumped from her boat into the water and landed on a manatee. But the manatee was actually dead, and the body ended up falling apart and she was covered in dead manatee slime and someone funny online dating horror stories to fish her out and clean her up. After some words of consolation from me about how fucked up that experience must have been, she told me she made it up, and every other story she had told me that night, because she likes making up stories. She wore mirrored wrap-around sun glasses.
Never met up with him, but got an OKC message asking if I could wear a pair of socks for months without washing them and give them back to him. Conversation is going all right and she asks where I am from. I tell her I am from a city near there that has a rougher reputation. She lights up when I say this and asks if I was in a gang and how many fights I got into. I did tell her I got into a fight after leaving funny online dating horror stories bar a year prior and I never want to do that again even though the fight was super lame. I ended up with a black eye after the tussle, I work in a fairly conservative engineering office, so I did find it funny when I told people I got my black eye in a fight when they asked.